Reality check!

It has been a difficult week, moving out at my mums place. Standing on my own with a bag full of insecurities; where to live, how to get money, reforming my life into a man I never was. I took the train to Rotterdam, stayed there at a hostel. It cost me a fortune, paying 30 euro's a night.

But I felt alive again, doing things to get started by finding a cheaper place to stay and a job. In Rotterdam South I had found a really nice room. But I was scared to be alone I guess and I made a big mistake on the date, I was a month to earlie at the place were I found work.

The last few months has been a disaster, not taking any responsibility to make choices to improve the situation I was in. It's hard not finding your way, not knowing what you want to do. Time is just flying away leaving nothing behind, then a line off opportunities. Its unbearable not memorise any moments where you smiled for the last couple of months. And I'm done. I need to feel alive and live life like if it is the last day the world exist.

A girlfriend offered me to stay with here for a little while in Amsterdam, to get things sorted out and to get a job and finding a place for my own. Its still hard, a true struggle without making money. and that damm financial crisis is making it so hard to get a job in a short period. But I'm hanging in there and just take anything they offer me, but I'm still waiting on the offer:(

However, I made some plans to move to Aruba, within the next 6 months. I quite poker for a while. I had to take out a lot off my bankroll to survive. And I made the rule not to play without having some income. So if there is no other way I must be able to clean out my account on full tilt (br 220 us). I had been verry succesfull playing 9 handed sng, so I like to pick that up pretty soon! And this weekend there are 2 big 100K tourny's with a buy in off 2000 ftp points, and I'm able to play both:)

So I need a lot of money so I can stay atleast 5 months in Aruba without playing poker ass a income, but after that period I want to make a living playing online poker, and find a job there to meet some people and enjoy life!

Keep it up!