Its going well!

Hi,

Im doing pretty well, only I need a job really really fast! I have two job interviews coming up, so I keep my fingers crossed. In this situation I should not play, think or even watch poker, but eeeh! The sit and go's are lame at the moment getting sucked out, make the wrong move or just getting to bored to wait for a good hand to defend and attack with. Not running well on that department, but I keep trying:)

My new home is so great. I have all things for myself and plenty of space in a sort of vacationhouse with plenty of room, seperat badroom, bedroom and kitchen:) And the neighbourhood is upperclass with lots of nature arround it. Yeah I like it over here!

I play fixes holdem 0.10/0.20 just started out today and Im quit impresses with the results so far. The competion is weak and I only have to buy in with 2 us. So that is my major grind for the upcoming weeks ahead of me, when my finacial situation improves I think I keep playing fixed!

Reality check!

It has been a difficult week, moving out at my mums place. Standing on my own with a bag full of insecurities; where to live, how to get money, reforming my life into a man I never was. I took the train to Rotterdam, stayed there at a hostel. It cost me a fortune, paying 30 euro's a night.

But I felt alive again, doing things to get started by finding a cheaper place to stay and a job. In Rotterdam South I had found a really nice room. But I was scared to be alone I guess and I made a big mistake on the date, I was a month to earlie at the place were I found work.

The last few months has been a disaster, not taking any responsibility to make choices to improve the situation I was in. It's hard not finding your way, not knowing what you want to do. Time is just flying away leaving nothing behind, then a line off opportunities. Its unbearable not memorise any moments where you smiled for the last couple of months. And I'm done. I need to feel alive and live life like if it is the last day the world exist.

A girlfriend offered me to stay with here for a little while in Amsterdam, to get things sorted out and to get a job and finding a place for my own. Its still hard, a true struggle without making money. and that damm financial crisis is making it so hard to get a job in a short period. But I'm hanging in there and just take anything they offer me, but I'm still waiting on the offer:(

However, I made some plans to move to Aruba, within the next 6 months. I quite poker for a while. I had to take out a lot off my bankroll to survive. And I made the rule not to play without having some income. So if there is no other way I must be able to clean out my account on full tilt (br 220 us). I had been verry succesfull playing 9 handed sng, so I like to pick that up pretty soon! And this weekend there are 2 big 100K tourny's with a buy in off 2000 ftp points, and I'm able to play both:)

So I need a lot of money so I can stay atleast 5 months in Aruba without playing poker ass a income, but after that period I want to make a living playing online poker, and find a job there to meet some people and enjoy life!

Keep it up!

Reckless mind get busted!

Im so done with cash games, there is this dumm voice in me that tells me to play on and on, taking some chances at higher limits, play 4 tables at the same time. When im playing bad I miss all my hands, get 8, 3 outered all the time and im loosing flips like I am way behind VS AK with KK, AQ vs QQ the ace keeping hitting the board.

Im loosing it, big time. I call all the preflop raises on the SB/BB no matter what I have, and feel the need to suck out some one, just to win one freaking hand! My agression rate is abnormal and some smart guys pick that up and slowplay me where I bluff raise all in at the river.

Then I play some sit and go's but that is getting even worst. I play 3 13us turbo 9 handed sng and I am all in evry hand. I end up getting in 9th place twice and the other one I end up at 7 spot. I move to a higher 60us sng 6 handed and get sucked out, with a set of tens VS open ended str draw and flush draw KQh. I loose.

And there I have it dropping half off my bankroll, with a total lose of nearly 400US. I feel sick, embarist and unsecure hitting the tables once again. There is no controle in No Limit Holdem and I get this feeling I have my good days, but im swinging so hard. It's a shortterm luck factor that will kill me in the long run without a shadow off a doubt.

The next day I changed my mind and from now on I will only play 18/27/45/90 man sng. I withdrawed 200us to punish me for the crapy play. And I won arround 320 US. So thats for sure the game I need to play and my best game to be honnest. Im no cash game player, except on bodog because the competion is so weak.

Main goals for June: WIN, WIN, WIN, WIN, hahahahaha...

45 sng buy in 11/26US

90KO sng buy in 13/26

27 sng buy in 6,50/11/26

Grinding it up to a 1000 us within the next 2 weeks. Im taking the day off today......

Good luck at the tables!